grandpa reynolds

This afternoon I got a message from my brother, Cory, saying our grandpa is in the hospital in CDA having open heart surgery and he isn't doing well. I go in freak out mode and start writing people, calling who ever, and I don't really call them as much as I should only once a year? Since I moved away. I feel like I just distant myself from them because of Dad. I don't get along with my biological father. We butted heads a month before my wedding. He didn't come to my graduation so that's where I totally gave up. I sucked it up and messaged him and I wish I didn't. I don't know why but I think I did it for my grandparents. I know it means alot to them for me to have a relationship and they push me but I do know they have good intentions. I just am sick to my stomach in stress. :