Tuesday, tomorrow's maddness.

Tomorrow I am going to get an ultra sound done on my chest to see why I'm well, I don't really want to write about that, but basically why I'm in pain and leaking. {If that kind of makes your mind get it..} Thankful for a great friend who will be taking Addyson for me. Being a loner without a side kick, My husband, makes me desperate for a babysitter and support system. I might be getting bad news tomorrow, but knowing Naval I'm probably A-Ok! Which I know there is something not right. Josh comes home in three days! Friday can't come soon enough. Then he is home for a month and leaves again. Boo, for the Navy taking Josh again. Oh well, its our life. Hopefully not forever, I don't want Addyson to grow up not knowing her daddy. If you think about it, she might really miss him, and love him a whole bunch, but they might not really ever know each other when she gets older if he was to keep this as a career. That breaks my heart. I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who have served, and are serving in the military. They sacrifice their life. Not just their life but everything in their lives. This Memorial Day I have took a lot into consideration. I know I've been "bad mouthing" the military but basically just the way they do things, not the people. Just to make that clear. I know Josh signed up to help us out, because the world isn't in a good place, but what comes with it is a lot of sacrifices and I don't think I am ready for this. I've been spoiled two years almost without deployment or separation really. I may be selfish, but I am really not looking forward to giving him up. This almost passed month has been hard being a single mommy. I've really relied on my good friends here, which I am so thankful for them, I can't say that enough! I hope they know how much I appreciate it, I feel like I might be being selfish about it, but I don't think I could have done this without them. I've never been away from my family when I am going through something like this. Example when Josh was in boot camp & A-school in Florida I had my family, here I have nobody but a certain family I came to trust, and came to love. They are amazing people, they make me feel part of their family when mine isn't around. I'm happy for Addyson, she loves being around Brady & Connor. It makes my heart shine with happiness that she is having the best time even though she doesn't have her dad here, and just depressed, stressed out mom. I love that little girl with all my heart, I hope I've been doing a good job this last month by myself. Although she's been looking a little rough, her walking isn't 100%, she falls alot, so her face has been bruised and now has a big scrape on her nose. I try hard to protect her but when I turn my back for a second, there she goes, falling. I better go catch some Zzz's my appointment is bright and early tomorrow and the walk we went on today took a lot out of me, I'm so out of shape. I should have worked out every morning while Josh is/was gone, but that didn't happen. oops!