Lonely Saturday.

Josh has duty this weekend so he won't be home much. It really sucks that we hardly get to see him and when he does have time he ends up hanging out with a friend(s). I am now getting use to being a single mommy. I feel as if Josh is already deployed. It's getting easier on me but Addyson ONLY likes me. Yesterday I was going to go to Mandy's to hang out when Josh got here to take me over, and he said "HI" to Addyson who was sitting so nicely in her bumbo chair, just started SCREAMING beat red not breathing finally tears a rollin' cry. Josh picked her up and she just wouldn't stop until I got a hold of her. It makes me sad that she feels that way towards her dad. I just want him to be a good dad and want to spend time with her, the only time I feel he wants to if I send a cute video or picture to his phone and he misses us, but once he is here its like that man never existed. Does this happen to all men? When he leaves for deployment will our daughter not want to be around her dad? Things like that run through my mind a lot. I'm really excited for the holidays except Josh just went out and spent over 100.00 in groceries and a smoker for Thanksgiving. Now there goes my shopping spree on black Friday (I'm a major tight wad). I hope we have a nice one. I wish we could go to Mandy's parents house for Thanksgiving, I love going there, it's nice to be around a family that is so fun. I am really going to be bummed if we can't go over there for at least Christmas Eve for games. Josh wants to have a special one for Addyson though, since it's her first. I already have two presents lined up for her. Leap frog learning systems, I am a total freak about putting knowledge into my kid(s). I want them to be smart. My mom never did it with me and I wish she would have, she'd take us to the library and what not but I just want her everything she needs to learn. Too much? I am just really excited to decorate for Christmas. Josh had to re pick orders the other day. He got to pick the one he wanted which is to live here still and go to Iraq, I'm nervous for that one, and then the other 4 are all in San Diego. I am WAY too nervous to live there. Tuesday, his shop is having a potluck I am excited to bring Addyson to wear he works. Then the rest of the time I'll be getting ready for Thanksgiving. I am excited for the day after, not only is it black Friday but we set up our Christmas decorations. I want to do it right now, maybe we will just because we're too excited.